We worry a great deal about the time teenagers spend in front of their screens. But much less about the time their parents spend in front of theirs. Yet adults’ digital habits may also play a role in the relationship difficulties of some young people.
We all need to feel recognised by others. From the first months of life, the baby looks in their parents’ eyes for confirmation that they exist for them. Later, the child and then the teenager continue to expect those close to them to look at them, listen to them and react to what they say.
But what happens when that gaze is regularly captured by a smartphone?
The phenomenon was first studied under the name “phubbing”: ignoring the person in front of you in favour of your phone. Researchers also speak of “technoference” to describe the interposition of a digital tool in a close relationship.
In young children, the effects are beginning to be well known. A parent who checks their phone while talking or playing with their child is physically present, but their attention becomes intermittent. Their responses are shorter, their facial expressions fewer and their reactions less well adjusted. The child is thus faced with an adult who is there… without being quite there.
A study published in 2026 suggests that the problem may also concern teenagers. The more they perceive their parents as absorbed in their digital devices, the more they describe their relationship with them as marked by insecure attachment. Some may fear more strongly that they will lose the bond; others, on the contrary, may learn to keep their distance so as not to suffer from the unavailability they feel.
But beware: this study shows a correlation, not a cause-and-effect relationship. It is possible that parents’ smartphone use makes some teenagers more fragile. But it is also possible that teenagers who are already more anxious or less sure of their emotional bonds are more sensitive to the moments when their parents look at their phone. Other factors may also be involved.
More research will therefore be needed. But these results already invite us to shift our gaze. When a teenager takes refuge in their smartphone, we tend to blame the device, social media or their algorithms. Perhaps we should also ask what is happening around them.
For parents pass on rules, but also models. It is hard to ask a teenager to put their phone down at mealtimes if the adults regularly check theirs. And it is hard to explain to them the importance of “real” relationships if, when they look for a gaze, their parent’s is elsewhere.
Prevention campaigns today are mainly aimed at young people and their “screen time”. It would no doubt be useful if they also addressed adults. The question is then no longer just: “How long does my child spend on their phone?”, but also: “What happens between us when I look at mine?”
