Nine tips for managing screens like food
At the 3/6/9/12 association, we are very fond of using the food metaphor to guide us in our screen consumption. But in practice, what does it mean? First of all, we know very well that it is not necessary to sit down at the table with friends, or even on our own. We can eat a sandwich while walking or take ready-made food from our fridge. Yet in every culture, food has been the subject of many rituals through which human beings have socialised this activity so as to make it a moment of creativity and sharing.
At the 3/6/9/12 association, this is what we claim can be done with screens.
To understand this, let us take nine important areas of food rituals and see what consequences they may have for how we organise our screen consumption, individually, as a family and socially.
1. First of all, mums, and dads too, know very well that it is not appropriate to put steaks, chips or spaghetti in a baby’s bottle. This does not mean that these foods are toxic, because then they would be toxic at any age and we would have to banish them from our diet. It means that the baby’s digestive system is not adapted. In the same way, the baby’s mental system is not adapted to benefit from screens. The young child does not have sufficient capacity for distance, either from the content of the images or from the emotions they arouse.
2. Secondly, in every culture, children are asked to respect the rhythm of meals, that is, to eat at fixed times. In other words: “We don’t snack all day long.” In the same way, let us avoid snacking on our screens all day long. As adults, let us set ourselves time slots during which we look at our screens, and invite our children to do the same. As soon as we introduce a screen into a child’s life, let us do so by ritualising that moment, and to that end, give them a time frame that is constant from one day to the next, for example from 5.30 to 6 pm or from 6 to 7 pm. And let us preferably set this moment before an activity that cannot be moved, for example bath time or the evening meal.
3. We all know that one of the pleasures of a restaurant is being able to choose! Exercising one’s capacity to choose when faced with a food offer is more satisfying than simply eating what we are served. In the same way, let us make sure our child has a small DVD library, two or three titles are enough, so that they can choose to watch one or the other depending on the day. They will more easily see themselves as a citizen of the world. Moreover, by watching the same programmes several times, they will understand them better.
4. We do not eat from the serving dish, but from a plate. The plate represents for each of us a portion of food, and it is only after finishing it that we may possibly be entitled to a second portion. The problem with television, but also with Netflix, YouTube and all the providers, is that it offers the child a continuum of programmes with no interruption between them. A bit as if the child’s plate refilled itself automatically as soon as it had been emptied. It is quite obvious that under these conditions many would eat too much! The DVD not only allows the child to watch the programmes that interest them, but also to watch a programme that comes to an end, after which it is possible to move on to another activity.
5. We know well that eating together is often more pleasant than eating alone. Let us favour shared screen activities for our children. Let us establish the ritual of a feature film watched together once a week, and prefer video games played with others, preferably in physical proximity, to those played alone.
6. We do not let a child or teenager take a packet of biscuits to their bedroom to eat during the night. Let us likewise avoid their taking their mobile phone into their bedroom. To that end, let us set as a family rule that everyone leaves their mobile phone on the breakfast table each evening and finds it again the next morning.
7. Everyone knows that during a meal, comments about the food are welcome. This allows us to talk a little about the dish we are eating, but also about those, similar or different, that we have eaten in other circumstances. And the conversation comes alive! In the same way, let us talk about screens. In 1998, I wrote a book called Y a-t-il un pilote dans l’image ? (Is there a pilot in the image?). I was already writing in it: “Television is not only what we watch, it is what we talk about.”
8. If eating together is pleasant, eating the food made by one of us is even more so. Let us learn to make our own images and teach our children to make theirs. From the age of six, let us not hesitate to entrust a digital camera to our child. It will allow us to see the world, in a way, through their eyes! There is also free software for an introduction to programming such as Scratch, and others for making stop motion, that is, films made frame by frame.
9. Finally, let us not forget the great change that has taken place in our relationship with food in recent years. Whereas previously the emphasis was on the need to eat less, today it is on the need to eat better. Of course, some of us eat too much, but they are not necessarily the heaviest! Obesity can be linked to many other factors. What is, however, widely demonstrated is that we all eat badly, and even very badly… It is exactly the same with screens. Of course, some people consume too much. Incidentally, they are not necessarily the ones who are doing worst. It is possible to consume little screen time, but in a way that is harmful to social life and mental balance, notably by overexposing one’s private life or by engaging in hateful practices. But it is also possible to make creative and socialising use of screens, notably through social networks and video games. The problem for most of us is not the time we spend on screens, it is that we often have repetitive, stereotyped, barely creative and barely socialising activities there. It has been shown that people who are suffering, whether psychological and/or social suffering, are very often those who use digital media worst.
It is for all these reasons that at the 3/6/9/12 association, we invite everyone to socialise our relationship with screens in exactly the same way that we have socialised our relationship with food. In both cases, we will gain in personal balance and family serenity, and our children will learn good screen management without crisis and without pain.
S.T
Serge Tisseron is a psychiatrist, doctor of psychology with accreditation to supervise research, member of the Académie des technologies, and associate researcher at Université Paris VII Denis Diderot (CRPMS).
