At a time when, in France, digital media are being blamed for relationship and communication difficulties in some children, to the point of considering the creation of a new category of pathology, it is urgent to remind ourselves that parents are role models for their child, and that the child begins by simply imitating them.
Of course, colourful movements have the power to capture the human gaze. But if nature has given the human infant this particularity, it is so that they turn their attention to what is naturally the most colourful, the brightest and the most mobile thing in a human face, namely the eyes. And if the child does not meet an adult’s gaze, there is a great risk that they will replace it with a screen! Two other factors also play an important role in the way many young children become glued to screens. The first is imitation: children are wonderful imitators of their parents’ interest in screens! The second is joint attention, which from the age of 9 months leads the child to turn their eyes, and their desire, towards what the adult is looking at. How could they then not turn towards the screens their parents are looking at?
But how do the children themselves experience this situation? Badly, it seems. The statistics confirm it: 45% of 8-13-year-olds think their parents look at their phones too much, and 27% even dream of confiscating them1! What would they say, at the age of one or two, if they could speak?
This is why, at the 3-6-9-12 association, we first advise parents, grandparents and other responsible adults to be vigilant about their own use of screens. They must learn to use technological devices in a targeted way, not out of boredom, not to eat in front of screens, and to use screens without eating in front of them. And it is important that they favour, for themselves, real experiences with other people that call on all their senses. The advice to moderate children’s use of screens can only come afterwards, and must not forget to be accompanied by other advice on good uses. Most of the time, children do not know how to manage their data and other people’s data, how to deal with cyberbullying, or how to cope with the flow of information on the internet. This is why 3-6-9-12 has set itself the goal of helping all adults to guide children in their use of media.
But all of this can only work if they first learn to communicate better and more often with their children. In Germany, a poster campaign simply asks this question: “How many times have you looked at your child today?”
S.T.
Serge Tisseron is a psychiatrist, doctor of psychology with accreditation to supervise research, member of the Academy of Technologies, and associate researcher at Université Paris VII Denis Diderot (CRPMS).
