Some time ago, a mother sent us this question :
“ Hello,
I am writing to you because my child, who will soon be 12, would like to play video games. Until now, we have put off this request. He is in Year 7 (6ᵉ) and is an excellent pupil. I asked him whether not having video games was a problem for him or whether he felt awkward compared with his classmates. For the moment, he says no.
However, he explains that when he plays at his friends’ houses, he often loses at video games because he isn’t used to them. So I wonder whether I can still resist his request. He has a little brother aged 9 and I suspect that at some point we will have to take the plunge. Nevertheless, when I hear parents of Year 9 (4ᵉ) pupils say their children do nothing but play video games, it makes me wonder and frightens me a little.
At the moment, my children love reading, enjoy my reading to them, are very curious and ask to visit places like the Louvre museum or Notre-Dame cathedral. I wouldn’t want them to lose that interest. Also, I don’t know much about video games and I absolutely want to avoid violent games. So I would be interested in recommendations for smart, suitable games.
Thank you in advance for your advice ”
Here is our reply :
Dear Madam,
Thank you for your question. You are thinking of bringing video games into your family and you mention being worried that they might cut short your children’s cultural momentum. Here are a few points that, I hope, will help you make an informed and calm choice:
First of all, please know that it is in no way compulsory to buy video games. Children (and adults too…) are mad about them, but it is only a desire. It can be very strong, but it is in no way a need. If you fear that your children will feel left out, you have already applied the best method, which is to ask them directly. Your son seems to have been able to answer you (and probably reassure you) with confidence, which in my view shows very good contact between you. That is a good thing, since it will make conversations about video games easy.
Second, if your son plays at his friends’ houses, that is a very good thing, because it shows good social skills on his part. He has evidently found strategies to include himself in a social group, even without having games himself. That is excellent! I would still invite you to ask him about the games he plays at his friends’. Not to monitor him, but rather to prepare the ground in case certain games or situations turn out not to suit him. That way, your children will feel immediately at ease talking to you about it. And hearing that you take a cultural interest in these games will make them a topic of family conversation. Do you already know which games they play together?
Finally, if you decide to take the step, I would invite you to set rules in advance. A bit like when you adopt a dog: before buying it, you decide how the children will take part in looking after it. Here, a games console is introduced gradually and you, as parents, will certainly need to set a framework, defining times for play and times devoted to other activities such as those you mentioned. I would invite you not necessarily to set a framework in terms of “video game time per day”, but rather to define when it is appropriate to start a game (for example when schoolwork is done). The aim is to establish a complementarity of activities, which will let you feel reassured about the values of cultural transmission that are dear to you.
Video games are captivating, but when they are suited to their age, they are not harmful to children. Setting a framework for them is nevertheless necessary, because they are not naturally equipped to manage their own play. It is a learning process that takes time, but one in which parents take an active part by setting limits.
The intelligence of a video game is relative, because sometimes what may seem “silly” on screen is actually an entirely different learning experience, if only an opening onto another form of culture. You will find game recommendations in our dedicated section here: https://www.3-6-9-12.org/les-revues-de-jeux-video/
Lastly, video game culture has expanded a great deal in recent years. You can also bring it in by visiting exhibitions such as:
– the Cité des sciences et de l’industrie: https://www.cite-sciences.fr/fr/au-programme/expos-permanentes/les-expositions/e-lab/lespace-jeu-video
– the former Versailles post office: https://www.sortiraparis.com/arts-culture/exposition/articles/319945-game-story-nos-photos-de-l-exposition-consacree-au-jeu-video-a-l-ancienne-poste-de-versailles
Did you know that Notre-Dame was rebuilt in the game Minecraft by enthusiasts? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8R0hkk5ZP9E
These are a few ways of gradually bringing this culture into your family, if you wish, and perhaps of doing so in a way that suits your pace and your values.
We hope this already helps, and we remain happily at your disposal.
